Still There

Soon after moving back home to Poland I’ve found myself opening the box with old notebooks. Pages written by my twelve, sixteen, and twenty year old selves.

She believed fiercely that following passion was enough. That if you worked really hard and stayed true to what you love, things would simply work out. There was no doubt. No hesitation.

She wasn’t asking whether something was practical, reasonable or financially viable. She simply kept moving through the world with a kind of certainty that is not easy to maintain as we get older and start second guessing ourselves.

While reading I had this sense that back then life felt simpler because she wasn’t constantly negotiating with herself.

I skipped ahead to words written by older me and realised that somewhere along the way I became good at asking:

Is this productive?

Is this practical?

Is it worth my time?

Is it worth the money?

My younger self asked different questions:

Does this make me feel alive?

Does this spark something in me?

Does this bring me joy?

She simply followed what lit her up.

Looking back isn’t always about wanting our old life back or wishing to become the people we once were.

Sometimes it’s about remembering what once felt true.

It’s about acknowledging that some parts of us that we used to cherish never truly left. They have been waiting patiently beneath the noise of expectations, responsibilities and all the identities we’ve learned to carry.

Perhaps growing older is not about choosing between these two voices and ways of seeing. Maybe it’s learning how to let them speak to each other.

Sometimes all it takes is a glance to remember they are still there.

Medium: oils on aluminium panel

Size: 8″ x 10″ (20cm x 25cm)

Frame: 9″ x 10″ (23cm x 28cm)

Available through Beyond the Every Day Gallery